When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then if everything goes to hell, well, at least you have some lemonade. But, what if you don't feel like making lemonade? What if life gave you the lemons, stole all your sugar, broke your pitcher, and hid your spoon where the sun don't shine?
Sometimes, seeing the bright side is much easier said than done.
Yes, I'm all for positive thinking and I do believe it is very powerful. When something rotten happens in my life, I always get through it by finding the light and following it. You know, the light at the end of the tunnel. In my experience, that light is usually NOT a train, so I would say this is an effective life strategy....however...there is always that period just before I find the light. That period of time, usually only about a day or so, when I wallow in self-pity like a fat, pink pig in mud.
I declare that taking a little time for a pity party is ok. You heard me. That theory is contrary to what we're told we should do. Friends see you down and try to boost you up with love and happy tawts. Your mom tells you to quit feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. Your grandma bakes you cookies. No person who loves you wants to see you sad, so they work tirelessly to get you over it. Ah, maybe that's part of the appeal.
I think brief moments of self-pity are therapeutic, as long as they are short-lived and you have the ability to pull yourself out of them, motivated to forge ahead. A pity party can simply be a request for a little help from your support system to refill your emotional tank in preparation for a difficult road ahead.
After all, pigs wallow in mud to protect themselves from overheating in the harsh rays of the sun. Wallowing in a little self-pity for protection against the harsh realities of life seems reasonable. Pigs are smart. They freak me out a little.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
The Thing with Feathers
Life and Hope. Heavy subjects. Heaviness abounds. Not for one person, or a few people, or even many people. I venture to say most are feeling this heaviness to some degree or another. Whether due to direct experience or as it oozes over from a neighbor. Inescapable.
I have lately felt the heaviness of my own situation, but today the shadow of someone else's burden eclipsed mine. This brought to mind ideas like the fragility of life, coping mechanisms, perspective, insecurity. I sometimes peruse collections of quotes to see if someone more brilliant than I has managed to articulate a particular situation or feeling perfectly. Here are a few quotes about life that spoke to me today:
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul.
And sings the tune
Without the words,
and never stops at all.
I have lately felt the heaviness of my own situation, but today the shadow of someone else's burden eclipsed mine. This brought to mind ideas like the fragility of life, coping mechanisms, perspective, insecurity. I sometimes peruse collections of quotes to see if someone more brilliant than I has managed to articulate a particular situation or feeling perfectly. Here are a few quotes about life that spoke to me today:
- Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets. -Arthur Miller
- We are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse. -Author Unknown
- Puritans will never believe it, but life is full of disagreeable things that aren't even good for you. -Mignon McLaughlin
- The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing. -Marcus Aurelius
- Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. -Dennis Wholey
- There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. -Albert Schweitzer
- Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -Bernice Johnson Reagon
- He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. -Friedrich Nietzsche
- Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. -Helen Keller
- Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
- Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. -Epicurus
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul.
And sings the tune
Without the words,
and never stops at all.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Inspired by Niersteiner
I wrote this a while ago, but just now decided to publish it.
___________________________________________________
Wouldn't it be cool to be a world traveler...and further cool to choose destinations based on some whimsical inspiration that zaps you when you least expect it? I was standing in Total Wine when such an inspiration struck me.
Adolf Meuller 2007 Rheinhessen Niersteiner Gutes Domtal Kabinett.
A German wine, obviously. Off-dry with citrus, peach and spicy notes. Recommended to be enjoyed with spicy Asian dishes, perhaps like the spicy Thai curry I will be polishing off for dinner.
Where is Niersteiner? Is it a small mountain town? Near a big city, or maybe remote? I've never been to Germany. It would be soooo cool to go get on a plane and just go to Niersteiner and see where this wine was made. I probably wouldn't have too much trouble getting around, even though the extent of my German language skills is "Wilkommen!" Would be odd to say "Welcome" to someone who already lives there.
This spontaneous travel notion is something I ponder at least once per day. I am a member of the online travel community called Matador. Not because I am a traveler, but because I am living vicariously through all those other people in the community. Many of them are writers, location independent. That represents the ultimate freedom to me.
Well, I do not have the luxury of that kind of freedom. I will just keep reading about the exploits of others, dreaming of a day when life gives me a break and lets me explore the world a bit. When that happens, I'll be sure to tell you about it....from a little table in a little town in Germany, perhaps.
___________________________________________________
Wouldn't it be cool to be a world traveler...and further cool to choose destinations based on some whimsical inspiration that zaps you when you least expect it? I was standing in Total Wine when such an inspiration struck me.
Adolf Meuller 2007 Rheinhessen Niersteiner Gutes Domtal Kabinett.
A German wine, obviously. Off-dry with citrus, peach and spicy notes. Recommended to be enjoyed with spicy Asian dishes, perhaps like the spicy Thai curry I will be polishing off for dinner.
Where is Niersteiner? Is it a small mountain town? Near a big city, or maybe remote? I've never been to Germany. It would be soooo cool to go get on a plane and just go to Niersteiner and see where this wine was made. I probably wouldn't have too much trouble getting around, even though the extent of my German language skills is "Wilkommen!" Would be odd to say "Welcome" to someone who already lives there.
This spontaneous travel notion is something I ponder at least once per day. I am a member of the online travel community called Matador. Not because I am a traveler, but because I am living vicariously through all those other people in the community. Many of them are writers, location independent. That represents the ultimate freedom to me.
Well, I do not have the luxury of that kind of freedom. I will just keep reading about the exploits of others, dreaming of a day when life gives me a break and lets me explore the world a bit. When that happens, I'll be sure to tell you about it....from a little table in a little town in Germany, perhaps.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Brain-Sucker
"Guess what this is?" My uncle would ask this question while his hand was on top of my head doing a weird pulsing motion. Then he'd say, "A brain-sucker starving to death!" *Insert knee slap here.* That annoying brain-sucker was actually harmless. I have, however, encountered more detrimental brain-suckers in my adult life. The most difficult, of late, has been my television.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love TV. I always have, and now it's my livelihood. Not only do I love television, but I want everyone else to love it, too. This affection for that warm, flickering glow is the reason I have difficulty admitting that too much of this good thing is not good for me.
Maybe I'm being too hard on television. "Brain-sucker" is a bit of an exaggeration. A more accurate description of TV's effect on me is "brain-clogger." The television doesn't actually remove material from my brain. It just causes cessation of creativity, productivity and inspiration. I find that a lack of stimulation around me prods my brain to fill the gap. If I am not occupying my mind with Homer Simpson's hi jinks, then my mind will occupy itself with dark forms of little birds sitting in swirls of a thick, blue-green atmosphere, paint and canvass, brushes. If Stewie's attempts at matricide aren't commanding my attention, then my attention drifts toward a more keen awareness of my real emotional state; why I feel that way; what words express it best.
Please understand, this musing isn't a damnation of television. I certainly don't have a melodramatic view of TV as some sort of destructor of society, family, or whatever. I actually believe TV is a glorious portal to a small world. A portal with tremendous power, and those of us who wield that power have a tremendous responsibility (yes, that's from Spiderman, but it happens to be true.) I must sometimes remind myself that this medium for which I have so much respect has a tremendous power over me, just like so many others. Ben & Jerry's ice cream has a similar power over me.
Everyone has brain-suckers. Mine is television. Someone else's may be video games, internet surfing, gossip. As is the case with many of the yummiest things in life, moderation is a necessary virtue. Less television means more art, writing and introspection. Less Ben & Jerry's means wearing the little red bikini without a t-shirt.
I think Homer will have to entertain someone else tonight. I'll catch up with him on Sunday.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love TV. I always have, and now it's my livelihood. Not only do I love television, but I want everyone else to love it, too. This affection for that warm, flickering glow is the reason I have difficulty admitting that too much of this good thing is not good for me.
Maybe I'm being too hard on television. "Brain-sucker" is a bit of an exaggeration. A more accurate description of TV's effect on me is "brain-clogger." The television doesn't actually remove material from my brain. It just causes cessation of creativity, productivity and inspiration. I find that a lack of stimulation around me prods my brain to fill the gap. If I am not occupying my mind with Homer Simpson's hi jinks, then my mind will occupy itself with dark forms of little birds sitting in swirls of a thick, blue-green atmosphere, paint and canvass, brushes. If Stewie's attempts at matricide aren't commanding my attention, then my attention drifts toward a more keen awareness of my real emotional state; why I feel that way; what words express it best.
Please understand, this musing isn't a damnation of television. I certainly don't have a melodramatic view of TV as some sort of destructor of society, family, or whatever. I actually believe TV is a glorious portal to a small world. A portal with tremendous power, and those of us who wield that power have a tremendous responsibility (yes, that's from Spiderman, but it happens to be true.) I must sometimes remind myself that this medium for which I have so much respect has a tremendous power over me, just like so many others. Ben & Jerry's ice cream has a similar power over me.
Everyone has brain-suckers. Mine is television. Someone else's may be video games, internet surfing, gossip. As is the case with many of the yummiest things in life, moderation is a necessary virtue. Less television means more art, writing and introspection. Less Ben & Jerry's means wearing the little red bikini without a t-shirt.
I think Homer will have to entertain someone else tonight. I'll catch up with him on Sunday.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Voices In My Head
That inner voice. Different people call it different things: intuition, God, your gut, psychic ability, the Shining. However you attribute its origin, we all have it to one degree or another. I believe that learning to recognize that universal gift in yourself, and then learning to trust it, are two of the most important lessons to learn in life. I, unfortunately, have learned these lessons the hard way.
I won't go into the gory details on such a public forum, but I recently bore the consequences of dismissing a strong gut feeling. I had an intuitive knowledge that I should not enter into a specific contract. Why did I do it? I let desperation, emotion, and a trusting nature override what I now know was an unmistakable directive from a higher power, a sixth sense, to walk away. The misery I've endured as a result is beyond anything I could have imagined, but I am getting out of this situation, and I am accomplishing that by trusting my gut.
Why do we ever dismiss intuition?
We dismiss it because intuition isn't logical. It isn't rational. When you stack the facts, inclusion of a gut feeling as a factor isn't possible, and often not defensible as a reason for taking a particular position. And yet, there is very little risk in trusting your gut. Even if a situation doesn't work out the way you expect, you can usually look back with the satisfaction of knowing you did what was right and good for yourself.
So, I now have the proof I need to confidently to go forward trusting my intuition, God, my gut, my psychic ability and the Shine. If I ever tell you to avoid a particular room in big, old remote hotel in the dead of winter, don't question it. Just switch your reservation to the Holiday Inn Express.
I won't go into the gory details on such a public forum, but I recently bore the consequences of dismissing a strong gut feeling. I had an intuitive knowledge that I should not enter into a specific contract. Why did I do it? I let desperation, emotion, and a trusting nature override what I now know was an unmistakable directive from a higher power, a sixth sense, to walk away. The misery I've endured as a result is beyond anything I could have imagined, but I am getting out of this situation, and I am accomplishing that by trusting my gut.
Why do we ever dismiss intuition?
We dismiss it because intuition isn't logical. It isn't rational. When you stack the facts, inclusion of a gut feeling as a factor isn't possible, and often not defensible as a reason for taking a particular position. And yet, there is very little risk in trusting your gut. Even if a situation doesn't work out the way you expect, you can usually look back with the satisfaction of knowing you did what was right and good for yourself.
So, I now have the proof I need to confidently to go forward trusting my intuition, God, my gut, my psychic ability and the Shine. If I ever tell you to avoid a particular room in big, old remote hotel in the dead of winter, don't question it. Just switch your reservation to the Holiday Inn Express.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Coffee House
I wrote this the old-fashioned way: pen and paper, then typed it here later. It is of no import, has no philosophical point, is not even a compelling story. Just a literary snapshot of a quiet moment in my day....
I am sitting in Starbucks. An empty brown paper bag containing apple fritter crumbs is on the small table to my left next to some crumpled napkins and my half-consumed grande Sumatra. I am so tired, I can barely push this pen across the paper. My eyelids are heavy, as are my arms, legs, and head. A bluesy, soulful cover of "Yesterday" is playing, a bit too loudly, threatening to lull me into a stupor.
As much as I usually enjoy the opportunity to sit alone in a coffee house to read, write, or just think, I am wishing very much that I were instead reclined on my couch, or still in bed. This week has been exhausting in every way, and the madness has just begun. I really wish this caffeine would kick in.
The Starbucks is filling with people now, along with all of the chatting, rustling, chair-scooting noise that fills the space around such groups. Did that guy really just order a skinny vanilla latte with extra whipped cream, then ask for a fork to eat it? One shouldn't have to eat coffee.
I like this Starbucks. It has a lot of these velvety upholstered chairs. It's cozy.
I think I've killed enough time. It's time to go find my couch for a while.
I am sitting in Starbucks. An empty brown paper bag containing apple fritter crumbs is on the small table to my left next to some crumpled napkins and my half-consumed grande Sumatra. I am so tired, I can barely push this pen across the paper. My eyelids are heavy, as are my arms, legs, and head. A bluesy, soulful cover of "Yesterday" is playing, a bit too loudly, threatening to lull me into a stupor.
As much as I usually enjoy the opportunity to sit alone in a coffee house to read, write, or just think, I am wishing very much that I were instead reclined on my couch, or still in bed. This week has been exhausting in every way, and the madness has just begun. I really wish this caffeine would kick in.
The Starbucks is filling with people now, along with all of the chatting, rustling, chair-scooting noise that fills the space around such groups. Did that guy really just order a skinny vanilla latte with extra whipped cream, then ask for a fork to eat it? One shouldn't have to eat coffee.
I like this Starbucks. It has a lot of these velvety upholstered chairs. It's cozy.
I think I've killed enough time. It's time to go find my couch for a while.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Jaded
The usual afternoon exhaustion crept over me at about 2:00. I could feel the weight of my eyelids as the sounds of the TV on my desk began to merge with the workplace white noise behind. Time to stand up and walk around or I'd soon be waltzing with Albert Einstein at my high school prom.
After fishing around in my purse for a couple of bucks, I hiked to the vending machines upstairs. There was a rush of delight as I spotted the 3 Musketeers, quickly tempered with an expectation that the machine would likely take my money and give me no candy. Or the wrapper would get caught on the dispenser and the candy would not fall. Gotta risk it. I put in my dollar after carefully flattening all four corners and entered "131" for the 3 Musketeers. The lever began to turn....and hung up!! Damn it!....Wait....it started turning again...my candy bar fell....then it kept turning! A second candy bar fell! WTF?? Did I just get two candy bars for the price of one? I looked around with a sort of half-smile on my face, completely shocked that fortune actually smiled on me. Cool.
I then turned to the soda machine, and once again, carefully flattened my dollar before inserting it. I heard the Diet Dr. Pepper make it's way down and land with a rather loud thunk. I tried to retrieve it but the bottle was in there at an odd angle. As I fiddled with it, I realized that there were two drinks in there! Again?!
I don't understand. This doesn't happen to me. The way the world works is that BAD things happen to me, not fortuitous twists of fate. Never does anything come to me from the universe without my having to work my ass off to get it. Not even very small things. If a strange, random event occurs in my life, it usually is to my detriment. Very often to the specific detriment of my financial stability. But, out of nowhere, I actually got something for nothing.
I pondered this while walking back to my desk. Then a very sad thought came to me...what a shame that I am shat upon so often that something as simple as a vending machine malfunction in my favor made me feel like a lottery winner. What a shame that I have come to expect misfortune to befall me. I'm an optimist, really. I've weathered some overwhelming pain, sadness, fear, loneliness, frustration, helplessness....and survived with a smile on my face, for the most part.
Even a puppy with the sweetest nature will become hand shy after being hit enough times.
Well, however small, fortune DID smile on me, so I'll take it. The next time my toilet spontaneously overflows, or my car jerks, or my cat gets sick, or the Town of Wendell threatens to charge me $200 for my grass being 1 inch too tall, I'll think fondly back on this day. The day the vending machines at work cut me a break when I've had so much difficulty catching one anywhere else.
After fishing around in my purse for a couple of bucks, I hiked to the vending machines upstairs. There was a rush of delight as I spotted the 3 Musketeers, quickly tempered with an expectation that the machine would likely take my money and give me no candy. Or the wrapper would get caught on the dispenser and the candy would not fall. Gotta risk it. I put in my dollar after carefully flattening all four corners and entered "131" for the 3 Musketeers. The lever began to turn....and hung up!! Damn it!....Wait....it started turning again...my candy bar fell....then it kept turning! A second candy bar fell! WTF?? Did I just get two candy bars for the price of one? I looked around with a sort of half-smile on my face, completely shocked that fortune actually smiled on me. Cool.
I then turned to the soda machine, and once again, carefully flattened my dollar before inserting it. I heard the Diet Dr. Pepper make it's way down and land with a rather loud thunk. I tried to retrieve it but the bottle was in there at an odd angle. As I fiddled with it, I realized that there were two drinks in there! Again?!
I don't understand. This doesn't happen to me. The way the world works is that BAD things happen to me, not fortuitous twists of fate. Never does anything come to me from the universe without my having to work my ass off to get it. Not even very small things. If a strange, random event occurs in my life, it usually is to my detriment. Very often to the specific detriment of my financial stability. But, out of nowhere, I actually got something for nothing.
I pondered this while walking back to my desk. Then a very sad thought came to me...what a shame that I am shat upon so often that something as simple as a vending machine malfunction in my favor made me feel like a lottery winner. What a shame that I have come to expect misfortune to befall me. I'm an optimist, really. I've weathered some overwhelming pain, sadness, fear, loneliness, frustration, helplessness....and survived with a smile on my face, for the most part.
Even a puppy with the sweetest nature will become hand shy after being hit enough times.
Well, however small, fortune DID smile on me, so I'll take it. The next time my toilet spontaneously overflows, or my car jerks, or my cat gets sick, or the Town of Wendell threatens to charge me $200 for my grass being 1 inch too tall, I'll think fondly back on this day. The day the vending machines at work cut me a break when I've had so much difficulty catching one anywhere else.
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